Sunday, August 16, 2009

I was a bad friend

I joined Facebook back in December, my motivation was that I was feeling disconnected from friends and family. For the last few years my world has been work and my hubby, then the kiddo joined us and it was Jacob, hubby and work. I had lost track of my friends and a bit of myself. So I joined, the first friend I found was one of my best friends from childhood. It had been over 20 years since we had contact, I was very excited. The reception was a bit tepid. I really wanted to get back in contact with her especially after checking out her page and getting a glimpse of her life. She had such the cool life. Husband, kids, friends, a positive outlook on life.

After the tepid response, I reached out tentatively a couple more times. And it was the same. So in order to not be a pest I've contented myself to watch her life from a far via Facebook. I realize that I can never make up for what a turd I was too her. But I'm so very happy for the terrific life she has and the person that she has become.

I started thinking about our friendship when we were kids and I understand the response. I was a crappy friend. I'm pretty sure I didn't treat her very well and underestimated her abilities in my own vain effort to build myself up. It makes me think about the person I was, as a kid growing up and I realize that I didn't like myself very much. This extended into high school as well. I was so concerned with myself that I didn't see the people around me as people. I had no empathy for them. I'm very lucky that two of my very best friends are friends from high school, I'm not sure how they managed to put up with me for so long, but I'm grateful that they have.

I hope that I become a better friend over the years. I'm not too sure that I have but I do realize a few things.

1. Never tear someone else down to build yourself up. It's a false house your are building and will never last.

2. If you can't say something nice, try your hardest to say nothing at all. I know it's cliche but that doesn't make it true. It's also something I have to work very hard at and not always successfully.

3. Try to see and realize that everyone else has their own lives and drama's. They are not characters in a play that you control.

4. Be a cheerleader for your friends and they will be one for you.

5. Just be a friend.

Friends are very important. They are the family that you choose for yourself.

Talk to you later.

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