An Independent MInd

We started the day with a full blown temper tantrum.  Someone didn't want to get in the car seat.  So mommy had to play the bad guy and force the issue.  Once he was in the car seat he cried and called out for Daddy the entire way to daycare.  Then he didn't want to go into daycare, so mommy picked him up and carried him into day care crying.  I'm pretty sure that Angela, our childcare provider and regular godsend thought I had tortured him.  He's usually a pretty easy going kid.  But lately he has been trying to exert a lot independence.  As a matter of fact it's 9:18 and he's sitting next to me in the chair playing with his cars.  Where he is supposed to be, is in bed.  When I tell him to do something he doesn't want to do my reply is "I'm not nay nay no more moooommmm." I'm trying to get a grip on this whole idea that the kid has a mind of his own concept.  I understand it in theory but the actual practice is stressful.  How do you convince a child to do something they have no intention to do?  Take bedtime.  How do you keep a child in bed without using duct tape?  After every escape attempt, I put him right back in bed.  He keeps trying to escape.  This will last until he finally passes out usually around 10:30.
I want him to be independent and creative, but I want control as well.  Its a bit of an issue.  Hopefully I'll figure it out.
Talk to you later.